Warren Farrell & Marc Gafni: Tradeoffs – The Path to Paradise

These dialogues are the first in a series on what Warren Farrell and Marc Gafni call Tradeoffs.

Here we offer the Tradeoffs Methodology as a way of cultural criticism.

Extremists mostly stand for a good value in life. Yet, they think that you can never have enough of their value. That’s why they feel better when they wake up in the morning because their value gives them a sense of clarity, certainty, and comfort. They are inable to compromise because that would mean to admit that there are competing values that are all valid.

The first step in rectifying evil is knowledge. It is okay to forget certain truths, but sometimes we have forgotten that we have forgotten. The failure to see the invisible lines of connections allows for injustice and other forms of evil.

Listen to Warren Farrell and Marc Gafni while they unfold these exciting sets of ideas:

David Loye & Marc Gafni: Unique Self & Evolutionary Thought

David Loye:

I am a psychologist, evolutionary systems scientist, and the author of many books unusual,  among other aspects,  in still being completed and published by a man in his eighties.

Among scientific subjects are my books on Darwin, moral evolution, evolution theory, history, prediction of the future, and social action.  Of more of the good life are my books of adventure, travel, humor, children’s stories, poems, and love.

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John Mackey & Marc Gafni: Success 3.0

Watch and listen as John Mackey and Dr. Marc Gafni explore a new vision of Success for the new millennium.

John Mackey is co-CEO of Whole Foods, and, together with Dr. Raj Sisodia, is co-author of Conscious Capitalism: Liberating the Heroic Spirit of Business. Marc Gafni is President of the Center for Integral Wisdom and author of Your Unique Self: The Radical Path to Personal Enlightenment.

In this dialogue, John and Marc track the success literature, and the many meanings of the word Success, back through history. They conclude, in Marc’s words from the dialogue, that “[success] has to be inclusive and at the same time have a hierarchy. That means it’s got to include the best of traditional, modern, and postmodern wisdom, the best of Success 0, Success 1.0, and Success 2.0 – and yet it must offer something larger.”

Marc Gafni in the dialogue:

“So that’s where we are, Success 3.0, an Integral view that’s got to be compelling. It’s got to be an evolutionary attractor. It’s got to be powerful. It’s got to have an alluring quality. It’s got to be an invitation. It’s got to be a myth that’s worthy. It’s got to be a new vision of what the Jedi Knight is. So, Integral 3.0, what might that look like?”

Stream the video here and read the transcript below:


Marc       John, good to see you.

John        Good to see you too, Marc.

Marc       Success 3.0. So we’re here to kind of map what success might look like, and I was thinking about it this morning as I got up. Do you remember Citizen Kane, that movie, Orson Welles?

John        Yeah.

Marc       I think he played it, directed it, the whole thing. And remember how it opens with this image of him dying, and he says, “Rosebud,” and the reporter kind of searches, like, “What’s rosebud?” And you track his whole life. Then the movie begins with a scene of him sledding, delighted, happy, and then he learns that he gets this major inheritance of money and power, and the whole story plays out. William Randolph Hearst is kind of the image. Then he dies, says, “Rosebud,” and you see he’s living in this mansion with kind of grotesque art and kind of strange icons, and you see being thrown into the fire in the last scene of the movie the sled that he was sledding on when he was seven, and the sled’s called Rosebud. And it’s of course this critique of modern notions of success. Here’s William Randolph Hearst, the most massively powerful successful human being in America, and along comes Orson Welles and says, “That’s not success.”

And that’s really where we are today. We’re kind of looking for what does success mean? How does it move us? How does it guide us? And we’re looking for success 3.0, meaning an evolutionary higher vision of success. So let’s start the conversation and maybe begin with ground zero and begin to see if we can map notions of success. We’ve had this conversation, and we’re really having this as kind of the ground conversation, the matrix conversation for our upcoming summit. So maybe take it away, take us to ground zero of traditional notions of success. What does that mean? What does the map look like? And we’ll go back and forth as we play.

John        Sure. Well, I think that every culture has its success somewhat bound by culture, bound by the values and aspirations of a particular society or culture, and that largely depends upon the altitude or the consciousness of where that society’s at. So if you look at a traditional, say, religious society, then success was generally someone who was obedient to the will of God. They were an individual who followed the traditions of the society and did those to the best of his or her ability, and were good citizens in those communities based on the values of those communities, and that would be considered a successful life. A successful person was one who would obey essentially the Commandments of the revealed religious truth. So we see that in a more traditional society that would be a definition of success.

Marc       So let me stay with you on traditional. Let’s kind of go each one. So ground zero would be – we’re going to success 3.0 – so ground zero we’re calling traditional. And you’re pointing out – so let me just go slow here – obedience is a big one. There’s a larger frame of value.

John        You could start before even traditional.

Marc       You could.

John        Do you want to start at traditional? Because you could go back pre-traditional.

Marc       Let’s start at traditional. Maybe we’ll do like a second mapping. First let’s start at ground zero, which I think you’re pointing out that’s really important, that ground zero actually starts before traditional.

John        Right.

Marc       Really important point, so let’s do that. Let’s come back to traditional. Give us before traditional.

Download the whole transcript here:


Richard Schwartz & Marc Gafni: Unique Self and the Internal Family Systems Model

In this exciting dialogue from 2013, Dr. Gafni and Dr. Schwartz discuss the exciting potential integration of the Unique Self teaching and Internal Family Systems.

You can find an earlier dialogue between them here from 2012 where they explore the contribution of Unique Self to family therapy and other aspects of psychology. This is what Marc Gafni wrote after this wonderful dialogue:

In a long discussion with my friend and colleague Richard Schwartz, founder of Internal Family Systems Theory, I shared with him my perspective on the relation of Ego and Unique Self and the larger set of core distinctions that comprise Unique Self teaching. Dick excitedly concurred and added important empirical validation from his clinical perspective and sent me this written communication after our conversation:

Many spiritual traditions make the mistake of viewing ‘the ego’ as the problem. At worst it vilified as greedy, anxious, clinging, needy, focused on wounds from the past or fear in the future, full of limiting or false beliefs about you, the source of all suffering, and something one must evolve beyond in order to taste enlightenment. At best it is seen as a confused and childish — to be treated with patience and acceptance but not to be taken seriously or listened to. My 30 years of experience exploring internal worlds has led to very different conclusions regarding the ego. What is called the ego or false self in these spiritualities is a collection of sub-personalities I call ‘parts.’ When you first become aware of them, these parts manifest all the negative qualities described above, so I understand why this mistake is so widespread.

As you get to know them from a place of curiosity and compassion, however, you learn that they are not what they seem. Instead, they are spiritual beings themselves who, because of being hurt by events in your life, are forced into roles that are far from their natures, and carry extreme beliefs and emotions that drive their limiting or suffering perspectives. Once they are able to release those beliefs and emotions (what I call burdens) they immediately transform into their natural, enlightened states and can join your evolution toward increasing embodiment of your true nature, what Marc Gafni importantly refers to as correctly, your Unique Self.

Thus, if instead of trying to ignore or transcend an annoying ego, you relate to even the apparent worst of your parts with love and open curiosity you will find that, just like you, they long for the liberating realization of their connection with the divine and provide delightful and sage company on your journey toward enlightenment. In this way you will be relating to these inner entities in the same way that Jesus and Buddha taught us to relate to suffering, exiled people.

The dialogue here is about a possible integration of Unique Self into psychotherapy and especially the IFS Model.

Richard Schwartz is a leading expert in the field of psychotherapy and recognized as the founding developer of Internal Family Systems Theory, an influential therapeutical model which combines systems thinking with an integrative view of the mind and its discrete qualities.

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John Gray & Marc Gafni on My Unique Self

John Gray (born December 28, 1951) is an American relationship counselor, lecturer and author. In 1969, he began a nine-year association with Maharishi Mahesh Yogi before beginning his career as an author and personal relationship counselor. In 1992 he published the book Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus, which became a long term best seller and formed the central theme of all his subsequent books and career activities. His books have been bought by millions of people around the world while drawing criticism from academics for trivializing the dynamics of relationship psychology.

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