Warren Farrell & Marc Gafni: Tradeoffs – The Path to Paradise

These dialogues are the first in a series on what Warren Farrell and Marc Gafni call Tradeoffs.

Here we offer the Tradeoffs Methodology as a way of cultural criticism.

Extremists mostly stand for a good value in life. Yet, they think that you can never have enough of their value. That’s why they feel better when they wake up in the morning because their value gives them a sense of clarity, certainty, and comfort. They are inable to compromise because that would mean to admit that there are competing values that are all valid.

The first step in rectifying evil is knowledge. It is okay to forget certain truths, but sometimes we have forgotten that we have forgotten. The failure to see the invisible lines of connections allows for injustice and other forms of evil.

Listen to Warren Farrell and Marc Gafni while they unfold these exciting sets of ideas:


David Loye & Marc Gafni: Unique Self & Evolutionary Thought

David Loye:

I am a psychologist, evolutionary systems scientist, and the author of many books unusual,  among other aspects,  in still being completed and published by a man in his eighties.

Among scientific subjects are my books on Darwin, moral evolution, evolution theory, history, prediction of the future, and social action.  Of more of the good life are my books of adventure, travel, humor, children’s stories, poems, and love.

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Richard Schwartz & Marc Gafni: Unique Self and the Internal Family Systems Model

In this exciting dialogue from 2013, Dr. Gafni and Dr. Schwartz discuss the exciting potential integration of the Unique Self teaching and Internal Family Systems.

You can find an earlier dialogue between them here from 2012 where they explore the contribution of Unique Self to family therapy and other aspects of psychology. This is what Marc Gafni wrote after this wonderful dialogue:

In a long discussion with my friend and colleague Richard Schwartz, founder of Internal Family Systems Theory, I shared with him my perspective on the relation of Ego and Unique Self and the larger set of core distinctions that comprise Unique Self teaching. Dick excitedly concurred and added important empirical validation from his clinical perspective and sent me this written communication after our conversation:

Many spiritual traditions make the mistake of viewing ‘the ego’ as the problem. At worst it vilified as greedy, anxious, clinging, needy, focused on wounds from the past or fear in the future, full of limiting or false beliefs about you, the source of all suffering, and something one must evolve beyond in order to taste enlightenment. At best it is seen as a confused and childish — to be treated with patience and acceptance but not to be taken seriously or listened to. My 30 years of experience exploring internal worlds has led to very different conclusions regarding the ego. What is called the ego or false self in these spiritualities is a collection of sub-personalities I call ‘parts.’ When you first become aware of them, these parts manifest all the negative qualities described above, so I understand why this mistake is so widespread.

As you get to know them from a place of curiosity and compassion, however, you learn that they are not what they seem. Instead, they are spiritual beings themselves who, because of being hurt by events in your life, are forced into roles that are far from their natures, and carry extreme beliefs and emotions that drive their limiting or suffering perspectives. Once they are able to release those beliefs and emotions (what I call burdens) they immediately transform into their natural, enlightened states and can join your evolution toward increasing embodiment of your true nature, what Marc Gafni importantly refers to as correctly, your Unique Self.

Thus, if instead of trying to ignore or transcend an annoying ego, you relate to even the apparent worst of your parts with love and open curiosity you will find that, just like you, they long for the liberating realization of their connection with the divine and provide delightful and sage company on your journey toward enlightenment. In this way you will be relating to these inner entities in the same way that Jesus and Buddha taught us to relate to suffering, exiled people.

The dialogue here is about a possible integration of Unique Self into psychotherapy and especially the IFS Model.

Richard Schwartz is a leading expert in the field of psychotherapy and recognized as the founding developer of Internal Family Systems Theory, an influential therapeutical model which combines systems thinking with an integrative view of the mind and its discrete qualities.

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John Gray & Marc Gafni on My Unique Self

John Gray (born December 28, 1951) is an American relationship counselor, lecturer and author. In 1969, he began a nine-year association with Maharishi Mahesh Yogi before beginning his career as an author and personal relationship counselor. In 1992 he published the book Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus, which became a long term best seller and formed the central theme of all his subsequent books and career activities. His books have been bought by millions of people around the world while drawing criticism from academics for trivializing the dynamics of relationship psychology.

Stream the audio here: