The Path and Practice of Writing Outrageous Love Letters

An unedited first draft text from the forthcoming book The Path and Practice of Outrageous Love by Marc Gafni and Kristina Kincaid

The way to awaken as an Outrageous Lover is the practice of writing Outrageous Love Letters. The ultimate awakening of the Outrageous Lover is the realization that your life itself is an Outrageous Love Letter. This path and practice will be fully described in the Outrageous Love Process in last section of the book.

Insight:

Outrageous love is awakened through the practice of writing outrageous love letters. Evolution becomes conscious to itself through your awakening to the realization that your life itself is an outrageous love letter. You are messenger that forgot your message. Your message is You! You awaken by remembering that you are the personal face of the evolutionary impulse. Through your own evolution of consciousness you participate in the evolution of love.

To awaken as an outrageous lover is to become intimate with reality itself. You recognize that you are living in an intimate universe in which you are seen, witnessed, addressed and called. You are called to realize that existence needs you as an intimate partner. Reality needs your service. Your Outrageous Acts of Love become the text of the Outrageous Love letter which is your life.

Your life is your Outrageous Love Story. Living your life as an Outrageous Love letter comes from the realization that all of existence needs your intimate witnessing and partnership.

By awakening as the evolutionary impulse and activating your capacity for outrageous acts of love, you come into intimate union with the universe, and the universe comes into intimate union with you.

The Action:

Wake up to the realization that you are an Outrageous Love Letter. This is the core transformation of Identity, which changes everything.

Awakening as an Outrageous Lover through the Practice of Writing Outrageous Love Letters

You can access Outrageous Love even when you are not spontaneously feeling it, because the practice of writing Outrageous Love letters itself kindles Outrageous Love. The practice emerges from the mystical Song of Songs traditions, which itself is, in our understanding, a specific form of outrageous love letter. An outrageous love letter, which accesses Eros, is fully personal and yet radically transpersonal at the same moment.

We have written thousands of outrageous love letters, to ourselves, to each other, to those in our circle, to God, to the universe itself. Perhaps you think that to love outrageously is beyond your capacity. Only saints or enlightened beings love outrageously. It is time for the democratization of enlightenment. To love our way to enlightenment however we need to also democratize of outrageous love. There is no prophet to wait for. Rumi is not going to write your letter for you. The future is you. The old top-down world of religion and government is over. There is no messiah coming. He has already come. She is you. These are not words of love parading in pretty costumes. This is the deepest truth of the cosmos that emerges from a profound reality consideration of where we are today, as individuals and as a collective.

The practice is simple. All you need is your imagination. As one psychological mystic wrote about imagination, “God may be a figment of your imagination but your imagination is a figment of God.” When you write Outrageous Love letters to the imaginary beloved you both arouse outrageous love in yourself and you invoke the beloved in your actual life.

The practice that awakens your deeper identity as an outrageous love letter is no less and no more than writing outrageous love letters yourself. We usually rely on the great poets or sages for words of love. We read the Sufi poet Rumi or others like him to find the love that lives in us. It is the time however to move beyond quoting the words and heart of others. It is time to democratize outrageous love. In the outrageous love letter practice you awaken the Unique Self outrageous lover that lives in you and as you. You learn the practice of writing outrageous love letters, to those close to you. To those you may not know well but are part of your life. And when you are ready, even to people you feel are your adversaries or competitors. This practice liberates the unique outrageous love that is you, and awakens your capacity to commit outrageous acts of love.

The practice emerges from the mystical Song of Songs traditions, which itself is, in our understanding, a specific form of outrageous love letter. We have, together with other members of the community, have engaged and developed the practice of “Song of Songs Outrageous Love Letters” based on the sacred principle of Eros being the central quality of reality. An outrageous love letter, which accesses Eros, is fully personal and yet radically transpersonal at the same moment. We have written thousands of outrageous love letters, to ourselves, to each other, to those in our circle, to God, to the universe itself.

Now you are ready to play the most outrageous game possible. Outrageous love becomes conscious through you. Outrageous Love is always evolving, because the outrageous Lover is always expanding her heart. Following the laws of love and writing outrageous love letters brings us to the final stage of awakening. The last stage of your awakening is when you realize that your life is an outrageous love letter. Your sacred autobiography is a love letter from God to God bearing your name. Your story is an outrageous love letter from the infinite to the finite sealed with your signature. But it goes still one level deeper.

All of reality is really an outrageous love letter from God to you. Remember the God you don’t believe in doesn’t exist. Read God, the Tao, the reality principle, the evolutionary impulse. God’s letter however is not merely a form letter. It is a personal love letter to you. Your radical irreducible uniqueness is reality’s personal outrageous love letter to you. It took the evolutionary impulse 13.7 billion years of synergy to write your personal letter. It’s content, texture and tone are utterly unique written and intended only for you. This is the outrageous love letter from infinity to you written in the script of your Unique Self. When you awaken and live your Unique Self expression, committing outrageous acts of love – as an awakened outrageous lover – then you are writing an outrageous love letter back to God.

Imagine God, the evolutionary impulse sending an outrageous love letter to you in the form of your atomic, cellular and spiritual signature. Feel her yearning over the millennia. First she waits for the letter to be delivered over billions of years. Then you are born. The clock starts ticking and SHE waits with bated breath and virtually desperate yearning to receive your return letter. Imagine her going to the mailbox every day, opening the box to see if a letter has arrived. The letter that you write back to God is Your Unique Self. When you awaken to your Unique Self you are awakening as an irreducibly unique expression of the Zero Point field. The God field, the field of outrageous love intelligence. You are awakening into your divinity. We end as we began. Your life story is an outrageous love letter from God to God signed with your name.

This is the realization that changes everything. You begin to be lived as love, Outrageous Love. You begin to live the outrageous life that that you imagined in the dreams that you long ago forgot. You begin to commit outrageous acts of love. Outrageous Love gives you direct and sustained access to a level of aliveness, wisdom, Eros and joy that you had not only forgotten. You forgot that you had forgotten. Outrageous love is the memory of your possible future.

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This is called by the Sufis the supreme identity with God. Or by mystical Christianity as living Christ energy. Or by the kabbalists as liberated God consciousness. Let’s begin by asking ourselves, who is God? First, it is always worth remembering that the God you do not believe in does not exist. We are not talking about the Santa Claus god or the older man with the long white beard sitting on a throne.

Here we must return to our conversation on intimacy.

The great traditions experience God as infinity. They emphasize particularly the infinity of power and knowledge, Omnipotence and Omniscience. Which simply means infinitely powerful and infinitely knowing. But the outrageous love mystic senses a different infinity in the divine, the infinity of intimacy. Spoken in personal terms, God is the infinity of intimacy. Or as Zen master Dogen is once said to have remarked, “Enlightenment is intimacy with all things”

Let’s feel into this, for we cannot merely think our way into intimacy. Let’s remember what we learned in law five on the nature of intimacy. The deepest realization you can have as a person is to know that you live in an intimate universe. Intimacy means to be seen, recognized, and witnessed. We are all systematically misrecognized. This is the pain of alienation. It is the suffering, which comes from being invisible. Intimacy is the opposite of being invisible. Invisible man is not intimate. To be intimate is to be known. Intimate relations in the sense of sexual relations are described in the sacred texts as knowing. Hence, the phrase, carnal knowledge. To live in an intimate universe is to be known. It is to know that you are seen and to know that you are known. But witnessing does not exhaust intimacy. Intimacy also means to be addressed. True intimacy is to be personally addressed. That is why when you fall in love you feel – at least for a time – intimate with all things. Because falling in love is the feeling of being personally addressed by the cosmos.

If you are truly intimate with someone you address them. You engage in dialogue. To live in an intimate universe is therefore to know that the universe addresses you. It is to hear the voice that calls your name. In one sacred text the following situation is described. You are not sure about whether to quit your job. You are wrestling with the decision internally. You then go to grab a cup of coffee at a neighborhood café. The couple, at the next table are talking about why it is so critical for her to quit her job. The outrageous love mystics say that this is the universe addressing you. Of course you cannot prove that this is true in logical categories. This intimate address is called the whisper of God. The whisper is intimate. Shouting virtually is always a sign of the failure of intimacy. The whisper is heard only by the Beloved, and those that draw very close. The deepest intimacy however is when the voice falls silent. Sitting together, perhaps holding hands, in the silence of presence, is sometimes the deepest form intimate contact between beloveds. To hear the voice of outrageous love in the sound of silence is an ultimate form of intimacy. Sometimes the love is so deep that it can only be held in the silence. Words are too contracted to hold the infinity of intimacy.

Now we come full circle back to God. God is the infinity of intimacy. The human being, erotically merged with source, is God’s unique intimacy. Follow the Divine logic of intimacy. Without your love, that part of the world will remain non-intimate. That part of the world will remain alienated and cold if you do not awaken to your true nature as an outrageous lover. The field of intimacy, of outrageous love awakens uniquely in you. It is the nature of intimacy to always be unique.

To awaken as an outrageous lover is to know that there is a dimension of reality, which in this very moment awaits your love. The world is a waiting beloved. You are a waiting lover. A very particular dimension, situation or aspect of reality awaits your singular quality of loving. That corner of the world is even now pining for your love, and yours alone. That is what it means to be God’s unique intimacy. And as we have already seen since the word is one unified field, any part of the field, which is cold and UnLove affects the entire field.

You have outrageous acts of love to commit that can be committed by no one else other then you, that ever was is or will be. Your Unique Self has outrageous acts of love to commit that heal a corner of the world that is Un-Love, which can only be engaged and healed by you. You are God’s irreducibly Unique Perspective. You are God’s irreducibly Unique Intimacy. Both as a unique perspective of the evolutionary impulse and as God’s unique intimacy, your life address a unique need in the cosmos that can only be met by you.

We return again to another version of our core questions.

1) Who Are You? You are an outrageous love letter

2) Are you willing to play a larger game? Yes!

3) What should I be doing? Committing your irreducibly unique outrageous acts of love.

4) What does it mean to love? To clarify your perception so that God can see through your eyes.

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Obstacles to Awakening to Outrageous Love

Once this realization takes hold we are moved to identify the core obstacle to being lived as outrageous love and committing outrageous acts of love. What are the obstacles to intimacy?

They are threefold.

The first obstacle is our personal wounds and contractions.

The second is the ingrained sense of obligation to do good imposed on us by external codes of law and conduct. Truly transformative and effective outrageous acts of love must emerge from a genuinely felt sense of outrageous love. Only that which wells up from the essence of our desires has the power to change our internal and external realities. For as we saw in law three, desire is the source code of reality itself.

Third is our inability to access the power of outrageous love.

The practice of writing outrageous love letters is the method to transcend all three obstacles.

In the sixth law of love, the law of practice we begin to see how to overcome all three obstacles. Wounds cease to be obstacles, rote obedience to external codes is dissolved, and the storehouse of outrageous love is opened, through the sustained practice of writing outrageous love letters.

We introduce a paradigm shifting evolutionary practice, the practice of writing Outrageous Love letters. This is not merely a personal love letter practice but rather a practice, which grants access to the core outrageous love at the center of reality known to all the great scientists of spirit. It is our deep knowing that this is the next great practice of spirit.

The first practice was prayer.

The second practice was meditation.

The third practice is writing outrageous love letters.

Prayer addresses the second person of the divine. Martin Buber referred to the relationship to this second person of the divine that lives both in the divine other and the divine other as it lives in other beings, as an I-Thou relationship.

Meditation awakens the first person of divinity as it lives in you. This first person realization lives in all the great mystical traditions. It is classically referred to in the Hindu Vedas as Tat Tvam Asi, Thou art that.

In writing outrageous love letters you access the quality of outrageous love which forever alters your relationship to your wounds.

The following is an excerpt from my personal diary describing the practice of writing outrageous love letters. I began the practice of outrageous love letters after experiencing a wrenching tragedy in my life.

“By writing outrageous love letters I am able to live above my pain. In writing I get so engaged in reaching beyond the level of my particular agony that I do not sink into it. By writing outrageous love letters I am given eyes to see. So when I see a child, the beauty of the child has the power to remove me from this depth of despair for half a day. The scent of a flower can give me twenty minutes of peace. I become ecstatic with gratitude over a new shirt. The ability to access outrageous love opened my eyes to everything and saved me. I found that the elixir of outrageous love opened me up to the elixir of life and enabled me to fully hold the throbbing pain of existence without crushing me. It did not crush because it was held in the rhythm of equally throbbing, gratitude and joy. Everything and anything became essential for me! I became able to appreciate all things. In the end I came to realize that my life itself is an outrageous love letter written from God to God through me. God having a Marc experience.”

Who Are You? In the language of Unique Self mystic Isaac Luria, You are a unique letter in the cosmic scroll. Meaning, You are an outrageous love letter. Your life, your story, your sacred autobiography is an outrageous love letter.

Do you understand how that shifts your self-perception?

Who am I? I’m an outrageous love letter.

You know how that feels, when you really get that? That’s the cellular shift in identity that emerges from the great dharma of outrageous love.

Who am I? I am an outrageous love letter. That’s who I am. My life is about sending that letter into reality.

The larger context is that all of reality, the entire ecosystem is an outrageous love letter, from the infinite to the finite. That’s what it is. You are a full and unique letter within this larger script. And all of reality is waiting expectantly, eagerly for your letter. Do you know what it feels like to be a lover waiting, yearning for a love letter from your beloved? That is the inner feeling of reality in personal relationship to you. All of reality yearns for your highest most authentic incarnation of your unique self. All of reality yearns for your outrageous love letter.

That’s what the New Testament meant when it said, that reality is logos, the word. The word is the sacred text. Reality is a Sacred Text. Which is another way of saying that reality is an outrageous love letter. The outrageous love letter of reality is what in mathematics is called a fractal. That means that there in every part there is the whole. Every individual human being is a unique outrageous love letter that is both part of the whole and the whole itself. A holograph in which every part contains the whole and the whole contains every part. Pathology comes from the myth of separation. The illusion that your story is separate from and insignificant to the whole. The opposite is true. In your story is the whole. To awaken as Unique Self is to realize that we are a unique letter in the cosmic scroll. And that in each letter the whole is contained. It is for that reason that every self has infinite dignity value and worth. That’s what we refer to as your sacred autobiography. Your story is the Sacred Text of your life. Your Sacred Autobiography.

The way you read sacred text matters. That is why the injunction in reading your sacred biography must always be: Mythologize, don’t pathologize. Your sacred autobiography, is the great myth of your life. You are its legitimate hero. To awaken to your Unique Self is to awaken to the irreducibly unique love intelligence that lives in you, as you and through you. It is to awaken into your capacity to commit the outrageous acts of love that are yours and yours alone to commit. It is to awaken as an outrageous lover. It is to awaken as the hero in your own life. You are the logos, the word. You are an outrageous love letter. In the old world, there were Sacred Texts which addressed you. Now if you really get the depth of the evolutionary shift that we are describing, you understand that you are a sacred text. Your sacred autobiography is your sacred text which is the outrageous love letter you were born to be. You are the logos and the logos is God. In living your Unique Self you live as source. In writing outrageous love letters your core identity as an irreducibly unique expression of outrageous love is recovered and reclaimed.

The Distinction between Ordinary Love and Outrageous Love

An unedited first draft text from the forthcoming book The Path and Practice of Outrageous Love by Marc Gafni and Kristina Kincaid

Love is not the Answer

For generations, wise people, mystics, religious leaders and self-help gurus have told us that love is the answer. We can find meaning, they told us, in love. In the love of the beloved. In the love of family. In love of community. In love of work. In love of country. In Love of God. In Love of humanity. But again – if we are really honest with ourselves, it doesn’t seem to be working. Our big experience of love is often short lived by romantic highs, or buddy bonding moments. Or the obligations of love that define our lives. A sustained experience of True ecstatic, profound and pulsating Love, how many of us can say we have that?

It was a half a century ago that John Lennon sang “love is the answer and you know that for sure”. For most of us however love has not been the answer.

On the one hand, the most potent remaining shared value in the world is love. Music is the universal language. Our deepest yearning, our implicit values and our most naked desire appears in our songs.  It is surely significant then, that the overwhelming number of songs in the history of modern music, are love songs. This is true in virtually every language and every culture. Usually it is the amorous love of human beloved. But it might also be love of country, nature, God family or friend. It might be about love betrayed, love yearned or love fulfilled. But it is virtually always about love. The same Beatles sang to us, “All you need is love.” But if love is our final frontier we have crossed it and found it wanting. We have raced the great race of love, crossed the finished line and found ourselves, frustrated, hurt or bitter when love had gone bad. But even more significant, we have found ourselves still empty, lost and lonely even when our human loves have gone pretty well. The problem is not merely the failure of so many of us to realize love. The much larger challenge is that even those of us who feel like we have found love, have also found love wanting. Love does not seem to deliver on its promise. Yes there is a short period of time when we are in love and even write occasional love letters. But this time of bliss is short lived. We are virtually always exiled from Eden and rarely know how to find our way back to the fleeting paradise of yesteryear.

Ordinary Love

Here is the crux of the problem. The way we usually understand love is what we have called ordinary love. Ordinary love is limited and small. We understand ordinary love to be a human experience. We further limit love to a very particular human experience, that of emotion. We then further limit true love to a very specific and limited human emotion. Usually the human emotion that we associate with love is the euphoric but seemingly fleeting feeling of “falling in love.” Even however, if we expand our understanding of love beyond falling in love we still understand this human emotion of love to be appropriately reserved for family or romantic partners. Very occasionally it might also extend to include a close friend. These are the people who show up on the short love lists of ordinary love. People who love more broadly are alternatively thought to be saints, psychotics or sinners.

Open any book on love and you will find the same answer to the question of “What is Love?” “Love is an emotion.” Love is understood to be an emotional reaction to some form of outside stimuli, person, place, idea or thing. Ordinary love is a reaction. It is a transitory feeling that arises in response to something outside of us. A fleeting feeling of love in response to external stimuli is what passes for love today.  That however is precisely what love in its essence is not. Only Ordinary love is an emotion and a reaction. The true nature of love is what we call Outrageous Love.

Outrageous Love

Ordinary love is not Outrageous Love. Outrageous love is not merely an emotion and a reaction. At its source Outrageous love is a perception and an action. This is but one of a series of key distinctions between ordinary and outrageous love which critically empower your awakening as an outrageous lover. Outrageous Love is a perception of essence. The true lover has eyes to see. Love perceives the essential nature of the beloved and the feeling tone of delight emerges from the perception. That is a critical distinction.

Ordinary love is a reaction. A ball hits the wall and in reaction to the impact bounces off the wall. Very quickly however the energy of the reaction peters out the ball ceases its motion. An emotion is energy in motion, in reaction to outside stimuli. Because it is in reaction, the emotion, energy in motion, comes to a rest. Ordinary Love inevitably withers and dies. The feeling and the power that derive from Ordinary love never last. That is simply its nature.

Outrageous love is an action which emerges spontaneously from the outrageous love which is the very essence of reality. Outrageous Love is the Eros of evolution which awakens in us and as us. It is sourced in a deeper seeing, a capacity for perception and is not merely a reactive emotion which eventually wears off. Perception is a capacity of consciousness that only deepens over time. The more we cleanse our doors of perception the deeper the experience and emotion of love. If we love each other now with only the limited perception that are available to us today, then naturally, after years of deeper of truly knowing one another, our love will grow exponentially in both intensity and depth. Instead of love growing stale and eventually disappearing which is the inevitable trajectory of ordinary love, Outrageous love invites us to a path where love grows ever more powerful, passionate, vital and erotic in the fullness of time. It is only that Outrageous Love, which has the sustaining power to transform both our personal lives and our planet.

I remember sharing this particular distinction around the nature of love in a dialogue I had with my friend, the Dalai Lama, in his home in Dharamsala. He was so excited. He kept saying “beautiful, beautiful.” What he understood that this set of distinctions between Outrageous and Ordinary love would forever change the entire game of love. Being science friendly in that way that he is, he further realized correctly that the concept of outrageous love is not fanciful conjecture but rather emerges from an integration of the leading edges of mystical science, physics and evolutionary theory.

There is not one self that lives in us. The more we engage in the great game of personal transformation the more we are able to access the deeper voices of self that live within us. Just like there is a baby self and an adolescent self which reflect different stages of physical and psychological growth there is an ego and essence self which reflect different levels of spiritual growth. Ordinary love is a strategy of the ego self. Outrageous love is a natural expression of essence. The ego self is narcissistic, mindlessly competitive and contracted. The essence self is creative, outrageously loving and expansive. The move from ordinary love to outrageous love is precisely the movement from ego to essence.

It is no surprise therefore that the core distinction between ordinary love and Outrageous Love appears directly in the patterns of heart wave. The heart has long been recognized as having its own intelligence, independent and prior to the rational mind. Science has now done the HeartMath to decisively conclude, based on over a dozen rigorous studies, that outrageous love and ordinary love literally produce different heart patterns. The heart wave patterns of ordinary love are jagged, crooked and what science has called incoherent. The heart wave patterns of Outrageous Love are sloping and beautiful, what science has called coherent. Love which generates coherent heart patterns yield a series of immunological, neurochemical, hormonal, psychological and health benefits which have been clearly measured and documented. But of course.

The distinction between ordinary love and outrageous love runs much deeper however than even the distinctions between action and reaction, perception and emotion.

Ordinary love or ego love, will neither awaken, transform, nor satisfy us. The only love that can take us home is Outrageous love. However outrageous love at its core is none of the above. It is not merely the emotion of falling of love. It is not merely an emotion. It is not merely human. It is the pulsating, erotic, love intelligence that initiated the great flaring forth of reality that we call the big bang. It is the force of allurement and attraction that moves all of existence.  It is the invisible lines of connection that entangle evolves and animate all of reality.

The difference between ordinary love and outrageous love is the whole difference. All the great promises of love are true. But they refer not to ordinary love but to Outrageous Love. That is perhaps the most critical hidden teaching of the great mystical wisdom traditions. It is this realization – shared in different languages – that is the most significant shared depth structure of all the great traditions. Ordinary love will not get you there. Only outrageous love will take you home.

Perhaps the most important three words in written in the great work of evolutionary mysticism called the Zohar are Be’Chavivuta Talya Milta “It all depends on love”. This phrase does not refer to ordinary love. It refers to Outrageous Love. What is the difference between the two? Understanding that difference is the single most important piece of wisdom you can own. It is the change that changes everything, the key to all transformation. The kabbalistic masters expressed this distinction as love before creation and love after creation. Ordinary love is reactive. Outrageous Love is proactive. It does not merely react to other. It seeks out other to love. The Zohar calls outrageous love, Noam Elyon, the “pleasure from on high.”

Outrageous love is the field of love intelligence awakening as you. This field has been known my many names. It has been called the field of holy apples by the kabbalists, the Christ field by mystical Christians, the field beyond good and evil by Sufis and the Zero Point field by leading edge voices in post quantum science. It is the field that mystics have always known and the leading edge of physics is now discovering. In writing Outrageous Love letters the field of outrageous love intelligence that connects, animates and suffuses of all of reality awakens in you and as you. You awaken as an outrageous lover. You live, for the first time, with an open heart.

Outrageous Pain and Outrageous Love

When we look around us we are bombarded by constant images and facts of horrific pain. We are fully aware that as we go about our daily routine thousands of children are starving to death every day. When we truly feel into the reality around us we are overwhelmed by the enormity of the raw anguish. Put together our internal wounds and tragedies, our routine lives, and the vast objective pain that surrounds us, it becomes almost unbearable. Our only reprieve from the pain comes from somehow closing our hearts and deadening our emotional nerve endings. Or at least we try and select carefully what to let in to our heart.

We live in a world of outrageous pain. The only response to outrageous pain is outrageous love.

Outrageous love is not ordinary love. Ordinary love cannot hold outrageous pain. Ordinary love is reaction. It is a transitory feeling that arises in response to something outside of us. A fleeting feeling of love in response to external stimuli is what passes for love today. That is ordinary love.   But the feeling and the power that derive form it never last. Outrageous love is an action which emerges spontaneously from inside of us. It is only that can of love which has the sustaining power to transform both our personal lives and our planet

Love which arises in response to something external to us is not at all bad. It can remind us of the outrageous love inside that we have forgotten. But it never lasts. And when we only experience it on rare occasion it simply makes the rest of life seem dull and drab. It only by awakening directly to the outrageous love that lies dormant in us that we can access the full aliveness that gives our lives power and meaning.

To live on purpose and in joy, liberated from aching anxiety, it is not enough to be in love. More than being in love you have to be love.  Being lived as love is a much more awake and evolved state than being in love. It is a key difference between ordinary love and outrageous love. Ordinary love is being in love induced by an external source. Outrageous love is being lived as love. Being lived as love emerges from the inside of the inside of our core identity. When we become love then we do not need to search for stimuli. We are love incarnate. Being lived as love is the essential experience of outrageous love.

We need to evolve beyond ordinary love to outrageous love. That is the way to love more; to love more widely, more intensely and more deeply.

The practical solution to almost every challenge we face is to love more. Bill Clinton said in a public speech at the Davos economic summit that the only tenable response to the threats that loom over us is the evolution of consciousness. This goes for all threats internal and external. The inside of consciousness is love. The evolution of consciousness is no less than the evolution of love. It is from our ability to love more that we will make new choices, unleash higher imagination and transform our identity from consumers to creators. Said simply the solution to all that confounds us is to love more. And to love wider. And to love deeper. And to love more powerfully.

One Love: Outrageous Love

But this only becomes possible when we understand that all forms of love come from one source. There is only one heart and one love. This is the love that is source itself. Bengali mystic Tagore said, “Love is not mere sentiment, it is the ultimate truth at the heart of creation.” The ancient Shamans would say to a person before a journey of awakening, “may you find your heart in this journey and may you discover that your heart is the one heart.”

Tagore and the Shamans were referring to the same truth understood by certain dimensions of quantum mechanics, evolutionary emergence and complexity theory. Reality itself moved to make greater and greater levels of contact between ostensibly separate parts. All of the parts are part of a larger field. They are drawn to each other by the allurement of Eros. This interior force of attraction in the cosmos is what makes the entire universe hang together. This is the interior Eros which is the ground of reality, love by any other name. It is this same Eros which is the ceaselessly creative impulse of becoming. Through this erotic evolutionary impulse, love by any other name, reality moves to higher and higher levels of interconnectivity, mutuality, union and embrace. Christian mystic Dante talked about “the love that moves the sun and the stars”. Process philosopher Whitehead speaks of evolution as the “gentle movement towards god by the gentle persuasion of love”. By gentle he meant gradual and not self-evident to the one who is asleep. Tagore, the shamans and Whitehead were all pointing to the truth of what we are calling Outrageous Love.

Outrageous Love is not the pallid strategy for ego security that so often masquerades as love. It is precisely that form of ego love that we have called ordinary love. Outrageous love is source itself. The same love that moves you to make contact and connect with other is the love that moves the sun and the stars. When you awaken to a lived experience of this knowing you begin to be able to access Outrageous love as the core aliveness and motive power of your life.

Outrageous love is what the leading edge of post quantum physics calls the quantum field. It is the field of love intelligence. Another name for Outrageous Love is what the mystics called Source.

When we access the source, we are capable of love in any and all situations. We are able to keep our heart open in all circumstances. We are able to live fully alive and radically empowered in every dimension of our lives. In other words, we become capable of Outrageous Love. Outrageous love is the source for all other forms of love. It is source itself. Outrageous love is the opposite of dissolution, deconstruction and destruction. Outrageous love is not ordinary. It is epic and extraordinary. It is not reactive it is active. Outrageous love is what Meta-thinker Charles Pierce referred to as evolutionary love. Outrageous love is the very impulse of evolution. Outrageous Love is the only force that is more powerful then entropy.

Outrageous Love is both the currency of connection between human beings and the essential eros that drives the evolutionary process as a whole. Outrageous Love is the eros of all relationship even as it is the very Eros of evolution itself. Personal and impersonal love are one. One love. Evolutionary love. Outrageous love.

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Evolutionary Mystic de Chardin wrote, “Someday, after mastering the winds, the waves, the tides and gravity, we shall harness for and as God, the energies of love, and then, for a second time in the history of the world, man will have discovered fire.”

This is not the dulling comfort of ordinary love designed by the ego to soothe over the challenging nature of this life. This is the fierce and tender fire of outrageous love. Fire is not tepid or weak. Fire is outrageous. To master the capacity of outrageous love is to be on fire. It is to awaken a capacity in you for joy and aliveness, for intimacy, for manifestation that is beyond your current imagination.

We do not want to share this with you merely as information.

Rather we intend share with you a transmission of the inner nature of reality that animates your essence in every moment. A transmission of outrageous love.

The Universe feels. And the universe feels love.

In every single moment, aware of it or not, you are drenched in the cosmic love that animates the Kosmos, which is alive in and as all that is.

In this sense Love is not hard to find. Love is not difficult to achieve. Rather love is impossible to avoid.

Sometimes we go our whole lives waiting for somebody to say “I love you”. But the fact is that moment to moment to moment, spirit is saying, “I love you.”

Every single corner of you is loved and accepted. Every single inch of you is loved and accepted. Every single part of you is absolutely loved and absolutely accepted, and it’s that extraordinary love that is so utterly nourishing and utterly enlivening and utterly profoundly awakening.

You are responsible to know this. You are responsible to know that you are loved in every moment. You are responsible for your own arousal. You are responsible for your own awakening to the truth of outrageous love. That is the essence of spiritual practice

We usually think of spiritual practice as developing our capacity to love. And this is of course true and important. But the other thing that’s just as important is our capacity to recognize and receive the love that’s already raining down on us like a thundershower. Spiritual practice is about being open not closed. It is about being able to open ourselves to that love.

To just feel into the heart and just open the heart in gratitude and blessedness and feel that love entering us and nourishing us and breathing us and actually being us is an extraordinary phenomenon.

Key Talks on Outrageous Love

Are you ready to play a larger game with love? Come on, I’ll show how.

So here’s how:

Begin writing Outrageous Love Letters. No, really, begin writing Outrageous Love Letters.

Here’s a little background: In every moment we have the opportunity to be open or to be closed. In other words, we have the choice to love the moment open or we choose to remain closed, and the moment remains close.

When we love the moment open, something amazing happens. A new reality is born. A new goodness is born. A new idea is born. Something happens.

So get this: When we write an Outrageous Love Letters, we actually access the capacity to love the moment open.

From here we begin to connect with love; the love intelligence that lives in us, as us, and through us, uniquely. Cool! Yeah?

The ongoing practice of writing Outrageous Love Letters works out your love muscles instead of contracting and clenching and staying small.

It’s kind of like going to the gym and working out. Like an exercise of the heart. As you continue the practice of writing Outrageous Love Letters, you become aware, yes, you, love are outrageous love letters itself. Really! No, really! That, my loves, is a shift in identity that literally changes everything.

So, dear Lover, are you ready to step up and play a larger game? Outrageous Love wants you now!

(Whispering) Outrageous Love wants you now!

Dr. Kristina Kincaid

Writing Outrageous Love Letters at Success 3.0 Summit

Watch and try the practice of Writing Outrageous Love Letters that Marc introduced during the Summit:

While ordinary love is an emotion, a reaction, and even a strategy of the ego, it is Outrageous Love that is the love that moves the entire process of evolution. So, how can we access the outrageous lover in us? The answer is: by writing outrageous love letters.

Writing and Reading Outrageous Love Letters - Click for more Photos from the SummitIn Marc’s words from his 2nd Summit keynote:

“You can write an Outrageous Love Letter to yourself. You can write it to a friend or a lover. You can write it to Source. But do it outrageously. Do it as reality itself.”

And with that he invited everyone in the room to write an outrageous love letter. The two lines of people wanting to share their letters at the mics were still long when time ran out. People were deeply moved by that experience and practice.

Watch his talk here:

Iris Benrubi & Marc Gafni at the Passion and Intimacy Summit 2015: Outrageous Love

Iris Benrubi, Simply Success, interviewed Marc Gafni as part of her “Passion and Intimacy Summit.”

After the interview, Iris wrote:

Marc Gafni is brilliant. He is a visionary thinker and wisdom teacher that shares on this magnificent interview what love is really about and how you can create something outstanding with your partner…..and he calls it Outrageous Love. You learn the 3 Mistakes people make in love and gives us strategies we can begin right now to create more love and more passion in our lives ….and I’ve already started one of his strategies and I love the difference it’s made in my life.

Some of what you’ll learn is:

  • The relationship between love, romance and infatuation
  • How outrageous love is different than ordinary love
  • What loneliness is truly about and what you can learn from it
  • The abundant love that’s available to you if you’re open to it……  and how to get it!
  • What the 2nd chapter in the book of Genesis says about love
  • What your “soul print” is and it’s purpose

Watch the video interview:

WOWTalksLive

In April 2014, Dr. Marc Gafni gave this keynote “The Wounds of Love and Transforming our World” at the WOWTalksLive.

WOW stands for “Women in Wellness” and The WOW Talks brings together hundreds of women and brave, courageous men for the purpose of connecting, collaborating, and celebrating. Dr. Gafni joined speakers Dr. John Gray, famed author of “Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus”, Dr. Leslie Hewitt, author of “The New Glossary”, and others on an inspiring speaker lineup.

He was introduced by Tbird Luv and his talk received standing ovations.

Watch his talk here:

Dharma Circle Teachings 2013

In 2013, Marc Gafni held two Dharma Circle Teachings on Outrageous Love in San Francisco.

Enjoy The Path of the Evolutionary Lover here:

For the audio version, click here>>>

Venwoude Circle 2013: Outrageous Love Letters

This recording is from Marc Gafni’s teachings with the Circle of Venwoude.

What the Circle is… from the Venwoude website:

You have to do it yourself, but you don’t have to do it alone. The Circle is the group of people living at, or connected with, Venwoude Integral Practice Community. They have chosen to be on the Path together, to continuously deepen and evolve their Practice. Some are together for more than 15 years, others joined in recently. There is openness, support and involvement and deep gratitude. We look for cutting edge teachings and teachers and we invite them to study with us as teachers in residence.

In Dr. Marc Gafni we found both the greatness of vision and the depth of LOVE, that challenges us and inspires us. Below you will find a series of fantastic and challenging sessions that Marc Gafni offers monthly to the Circle. What you’ll hear is the unplugged rendering of this beautiful material.

Enjoy this unplugged Skype Teaching for the Venwoude Circle here:

Marc Gafni: Outrageous Pain, Outrageous Love–Remix by John Tarcza

The Center for Integral Wisdom is pleased to share a spontaneous artistic creation inspired by a recent event of ours in connection with Shalom Mountain.

John Tarcza tells us that a “wild idea started to stir and evolve uncontrollably” in him while editing audio recordings from the weekend. He combined a few minutes of reflections by Marc Gafni with music (Erik Satie Gnossienne No. 1, Buddha Bar remix) … and created this wonderful combination. John has graciously allowed us to share it with you.

Enjoy!

Stream the audio and read the transcript here:

For more audios on Outrageous Love, click here>>>

For more talks on Outrageous Love, see the Outrageous Acts of Love Portal>>>

Our Invitation to You

Are you ready to play a larger game with love?


So here’s how:

Start writing Outrageous Love Letters.

Prayer?  Lovely!  Meditation? Sweet! You want to get there? Write Outrageous Love Letters!

So here’s now how it works:

In every moment, there’s a decision. Love the moment open or the moment stays close. So get this. When you write an Outrageous love Letters, you access your capacity to love the moment open. When you write an Outrageous Love Letters, what you are doing is, you are connecting to the initiating and animating Eros, the energy of All-That-Is. You are accessing the Love intelligence that lives in you, as you, and through you, that never was, is or will be ever again out in the way in lives in you.

And it’s from that unique love intelligence that drives your capacity to love the moment open in a way that no one that ever was, is, or will be can do in the way that you do. Writing Outrageous Love Letters exercises your heart muscle. It awakens your heart intelligence.

The ongoing practice of writing an Outrageous Love Letters empowers you to love the moment open instead of clenching, contracting and staying small.

That, my Loves, is a shift in identity that literally changes everything. We are not talking about an ordinary love; we are talking about outrageous love. Ordinary love is the strategy of the ego. Outrageous love is source itself coming alive in you, as you, and through you. We are only one heart and one love. That’s the love that it Source itself. That’s Outrageous Love. That’s powerful.

Are you ready to participate in the Evolution of Love? Outrageous Love needs you! Outrageous Love wants you now! Hey! Don’t let Rumi be the Outrageous Lover. You are the Outrageous Lover. Wake up and write an Outrageous Love Letter!

Dr. Marc Gafni


Are you ready to play a larger game with love? Come on, I’ll show how.


So here’s how:

Begin writing Outrageous Love Letters. No, really, begin writing Outrageous Love Letters.

Here’s a little background: In every moment we have the opportunity to be open or to be closed. In other words, we have the choice to love the moment open or we choose to remain closed, and the moment remains close.

When we love the moment open, something amazing happens. A new reality is born. A new goodness is born. A new idea is born. Something happens.

So get this: When we write an Outrageous Love Letters, we actually access the capacity to love the moment open.

From here we begin to connect with love; the love intelligence that lives in us, as us, and through us, uniquely. Cool! Yeah?

The ongoing practice of writing Outrageous Love Letters works out your love muscles instead of contracting and clenching and staying small.

It’s kind of like going to the gym and working out. Like an exercise of the heart. As you continue the practice of writing Outrageous Love Letters, you become aware, yes, you, love are outrageous love letters itself. Really! No, really! That, my loves, is a shift in identity that literally changes everything.

So, dear Lover, are you ready to step up and play a larger game? Outrageous Love wants you now!

(Whispering) Outrageous Love wants you now!

Dr. Kristina Kincaid



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Essentials: Outrageous Love

An excerpt from the forthcoming book “Outrageous Love”
by Dr. Marc Gafni and Dr. Kristina Kincaid

Dr. Marc GafniDr. Kristina Kincaid

There are two questions that you must answer to make your life a triumph. The first is, Who Are You? The second is, are you willing to play a larger game?

We live in a world of outrageous pain. The only response to outrageous pain is outrageous love. We live in a world of outrageous beauty. The only response to outrageous beauty is outrageous love.

What is the path of the outrageous love?

It is to live as an outrageous lover. What does an outrageous lover do? She keeps every boundary that should be kept and breaks every boundary that should be broken.

But what does an outrageous lover actually do?

The outrageous lover commits outrageous acts of love.

But which outrageous acts of love should you commit?

There is so much that you might do, and so much that needs to be done. The answer is simple.

You commit the outrageous acts of love that are yours, and yours alone, to commit. You commit the outrageous acts of love that are an expression of Your Unique Self.
[Read more…]

How to Write an Outrageous Love Letter

OLL-2Watch this beautiful tutorial by Dr. Kristina Kincaid into the Art and Practice of Writing Outrageous Love Letters:

Hello, I'm Kristina Kincaid. Welcome to the Outrageous Love Letters Portal!

We are going to offer a free gift today and the free gift is "How to Write an Outrageous Love Letter."

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